Skip to main content

Depression: the Ugly Truth

The Darker Days

  What your about to read may take you by surprise, or it may be something you can relate to, or it may remind you of someone who has went through similar. This is not meant for a cry for help or a form of self-pity, it is meant as a form of release, a form of empowerment, and to give some light to a situation you may not have seen. It is also documentation for my own insight on how much better I have become in my journey. Read further at your own risk.
This had been taken from my journal………
   First day in such a long time, that I felt the urge to cut. It totally sucks not knowing who you are from one day to the next. Pain can overcome every emotion I have and I just have to snap out of it. No matter the good in my life, no matter the good I have to look forward to, the demon known as depression will find a way back into my life. Stealing every joy, every goal, every good thing I’ve accomplished. He turns his ugly cloud over my head and makes me want to give up or go back to the old me.
That nearly uncontrollable thought has doomed my life many times. I don’t ever want to be that old Patience. That girl who didn’t care, that girl who thought of no one’s feelings, that girl lost the world, and ultimately didn’t care about herself. That’s not me. I used to think that addicts used the excuse they couldn’t remember until I was a victim to that. It’s the scariest occurrence ever.
   I have learned, I have grown, but I continuously feel the need to seek approval. I’ve also realized that this issues/void cannot be filled. I have tried.  It’s a chemical my brain is lacking that I once filled with drugs, alcohol, or whatever was available. The effect: someone who I am not but I was pain free and that felt fabulous. Even if it was brief.
Everyone I have loved or has loved me has let me down as I know I have them. No one gets the real turmoil in my heart or my mind. Heck, I don’t even understand it. While I am aware that no one is perfect, I can never shake this depression. At least not forever. My decision to be un-medicated is my choice and I know some will say that is completely stupid. But again it is my choice and that’s not what I want anymore.
This is me, the pain and all. The Patience that no one sees. But I can honestly say I will never resort to that LIFE AGAIN.
Xoxo

Popular posts from this blog

Holiday SaleThis post contains affiliate links and I will be compensated if you make a purchase after clicking on my links. I was compensated for this post.
     The season is gradually creeping up fast and those family get togethers are upon us. What to wear? What to wear? Natural we want to look our best but if you are anything like me, the focus is really on the kiddos. But, why spend a lot when they just out grow them fast?  Am I right? Which lead me to Crazy 8. Your children can look their best without hurting your bank account and most importantly look amazing and still be comfortable. Sound like you, then read further.
     Whether you have a boy or girl this is the "happening spot" for toddlers to kiddos size 14 (see size chart on each item). Start with those little princesses you can grab the pullover fleece and match it with some micro fleece pants (both $6).

    Mix and match from a wide variety of styles and colors. Or even add a scarf to dress it up even more. …

Limelight Review

As the majority of my readers know, I am friends with many amazing direct sellers.  From Tupperware to bags, to natural products, to self-defense, the direct seller's community is rapidly growing in many areas of needs. When I heard there was another makeup company, I was excited to see what would set them apart from the rest.
Upon looking at the site, I was intrigued and disappointed. I loved the website and their colors (truly perked my interest), but the prices were not budget friendly for me. Let's face it, I always feel guilty about spending money on me but if it's cheaper I feel less guilty. Make sense?  I have tested and reviewed many products over the years and naturally, I am always kinda skeptical since so many claim results but far and few provide them. If they do they take forever to show and by then I have lost interest.

Let me back up a tad and tell you about what lead me to my discovery. If you have ever dealt with someone in direct sells or do that line of wor…

Where to get freebies? Freebie Sites and their Brief breakdowns

Freebie Sites and their breakdown
  I often get people asking where do I get my freebies and how to do these sites work. I thought why not give those a guide to go by. I went through countless sites and being spammed before I came up with a legit list and one that does NOT spam you and that you actually get what they say.    I enjoy helping others and hope you all get lots of good freebies. PLEASE share in the comments. Getting started does take some time, once you do it will come with ease. I highly recommend bookmarking and checking regularly these pages regularly and using an email you check regularly or make one for your freebie accounts. NOTE:***I will be adding to this list, so be sure to check back. Underlined words are clickable links*** Which ones should you do? Bzz Agent(read more) They have recently changed their platform. But it appears a little easier for those just beginning. When first starting you need to connect all social media accounts and if you have a Kroger card be …