Too Blend or Not to Blend?
For the majority of my dating life I have dated people that already children. After many breakups and my heart hurting from getting close to these children of various relationships, I decided this is a situation I usually avoided at all cost. Not to mention there are so many factors that often cause unnecessary relationship stress. Can you say baby momma jealousy drama? Relationships are difficult anyway but when you add children to the mix, it can be both unhealthy and ugly.
I had decided long ago that I was not going to date anyone who has children, but I always seem to find myself in situations that I rethink my prior commitment. When I started dating my now fiancé, I was at a crossroads in my life. When he mentioned he had children, it didn’t shock me and I really didn’t give it a second thought due to the fact they were boys and they didn’t live with him. My brain had already set myself up for failure of this relationship and my self-worth was extremely low, so why give the children in this factor a second thought, right?
Much to my surprise he understood me, gave me time to come out of my “dark whole” and we fell in love. He completely changed my outlook on life. My brain then came up with its new idea about the boys. I would not say anything to them in an authority figure. Of course I would be their friend but that’s it.
While this strategy worked well for about a two years, this year was different. I found myself unable to keep mouth shut about somethings, nor could I go along with some of the parenting style difference. Slowly but surely, my feet where being placed as a parental figure.
Now in this position, I am not sure how I feel. I truly love his boys like my own. Heck I always wanted a boy. But that just wasn’t in the plan for my life.
Naturally, I do them the same as if they were my own. They are in equal in my brain’s thoughts, just like my one and only daughter. But how do you love them but not voice your concerns? I can’t and I will not any longer.
If this means they are mad, so be it. My child gets mad at me as well. It is life. We are here to guide them into better choices then we have made. It is not our place to be only a friend. In my opinion our society has forgotten this. I understand wanting to give your child everything, as I have done this. However, parenting comes first and then being a friend. You can do both with the right balance. My child knows she can tell me anything and TOGETHER will we find the solution. She also knows if she’s in the wrong, she will pay the consequences for her actions.
While there is still the unnecessary gossip and juvenile crap that goes on with the boy’s mom, they do see me as who I am and not who she portrays me to be. It took some time but I do believe we all have finally adjusted. We all now love and respect each other….for the most part.